Leecha Leecha Paradise
by Odama Rasendori
Summary: Gai defeats Kakashi in one of their usual challenges. What happens when Kakashi drops his Icha Icha Paradise book while on a hand-stand challenge around the village... and Lee finds it? Complete and utter harem. LeexHarem. Rated M for some lemon scenes.


**Lee-cha Lee-cha Paradise**

**Naruto Fanfic**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a single shred of Naruto**

**Summary: Gai and kakashi are up to their necks with the usual rivalry challenges. Kakashi loses and must hand-stand 20 laps around the village. As it begins to rain, Kakashi hurries and his Icha Icha Paradise book unknowingly falls to the ground from his pocket. While on a nightly jog, Lee finds the book and starts reading. LeexHarem, 18/19 age-range. AU**

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><p>*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*<p>

"Gnnngghh..."

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

"Gnnngghh- ouch!" said the bowl-cut jounin, falling face first on the polished wooden floor. A groan escaped his mouth as a hand came up to massage his sore temples. As his hand came, it was first met with a sheet of paper bound to a 6x4 hard cover book. It was no wonder there was no mark on his semi-throbbing forehead. He had landed on the book that kept him up all night.

It was a routine jog to stretch and relax the muscles after returning from a tough A-rank mission with the village's youngest Aburame and the laziest shinobi of his age-range. It was about reinforcements sent to the Sand Village... or something along those lines. He peered at his still-beeping alarm clock and gave it a whack on top to silence the ear-bleeding high pitched screech. The digital clock read 6:30am. He picked himself up, as well as his midnight novel, and sat on the bed with it still opened and bookmarked with a wooden six-inch measuring stick.

A simple routine jog... who would've thought he'd pick up such an interesting little novel? He knew it was familiar, as if something in his mind told him he knew who the owner was but the constant earthquake in his head only helped to scatter the needed information to the deepest and darkest corners of his mind. His circle eyes dropped to the paragraph where he stopped, some dozen pages from the start. It was definitely an interesting book, though full of heart-pumping content. He remembered reading the first few paragraphs and already his mind was delving into the imagination of the artist...

Smut was what it was.

The young man knew of smut, though only at a primitive level. He was never formally educated on the topic, or probably was but paid no heed as his only dream was to prove to the world that an untalented shinobi - one that only shone in the field of taijutsu - could still become someone others looked to with glee and respect.

At one time or another, he had witnessed a certain blond friend's pornographic nudity jutsu. He never picked up the proper name for it, nor did he care. He only knew that it caused nosebleeds to any male it was directed at. One look at the jutsu, by a male opponent, would knock him out for long durations due to a massive loss of blood.

Females are immune to it, however, a mystery that plagued the young man's mind from time to time.

Lee looked out the window and could see the risen sun, ready to greet its early morning subjects.

Spending about half an hour to set his apartment straight, while reading more of the novel, Lee decided it was time for his morning jog. His usual starting time was 5:30 am, but the consequences of returning home from a tough mission and the intervention of a romance-filled book was finally getting to the poor shinobi. He would have a proper breakfast, but opted for a morning jog first to make his stomach worthy of a good meal. Throwing on his green jumpsuit and a forest-green tactical vest, along with footwear and leg weights, Lee was ready for his morning workout.

He placed his bookmark six pages from where it was the previous night and tossed it atop his bed before leaving.

"Ah, nothing beats the cold breeze of autumn wind," he said to himself, passing by early-morning risers. Each pressured footstep allowed better circulation of his blood, resulting in both hunger and fatigue. Though both respective negatives were slight, a shinobi must always keep an eye on his limits. Lee would surpass his limits a little bit each day. There was no rush in his progress; he would still defeat his rival with pure taijutsu someday.

About a mile into his jog, passing a possible breakfast joint - Ichiraku - that was barely opening by its father-daughter owners, a pair of individuals caught the young man's eyes; his pineapple-headed companion from the previous mission and his Sand Village lady-friend. Her name hadn't even appeared in his mind until he was able to get a closer look.

From where he could see them, they were quarreling again. It was a normal thing between the two. Temari is an unstoppable force and Shikamaru is the immovable object. When an aforementioned pair meets in life, they have only themselves to blame if flowers bloom inside.

"One hour, that's all I ask! You know I can't stay in this village for long. I have to return to my brothers and my village in three days and I'm already half a day behind just waiting for you," she said as if complaining. Temari wasn't one to complain, never. It was a wonder to the bowl-cut man as to why she was in the first place. Shikamaru gave her his infamous lazy-man gaze.

"Are you serious? I just returned from an A-rank mission, had six hours of sleep, and now I have to turn in this lousy mission report. After that, I have to get some groceries, pay a visit to Asuma-sensei's grave, and pick up some genin students from the academy," he said, his hands in his pockets. Temari latched onto his arm, her arms wrapped around his elbows as she tried to pull him away.

'To where, I wonder?' the jogging shinobi thought to himself. He slowed his pace to observe the scene longer.

"Next time, maybe. Today isn't a good day for me," he said as he pulled his arm away and vanished in a swirl of leaves, leaving Temari by herself.

Lee's attention was on them for so long, his direction had been completely swerved as his foot caught onto the leg of a bench and tripped face-first into an oak tree. The sand kunoichi looked to the source of the sudden commotion and spotted the bowl-cut shinobi on the ground, muttering incoherent words regarding pain. She walked over to him and set her hands on her hips, looking down at his pathetic form.

"Tell me, buster, were you eavesdropping?" she asked menacingly.

Lee massaged his cheeks and forehead, looked up, turned around, and begged for forgiveness- almost whimpering. His lips almost kissed the ground at how close his face was to it. Temari's eyes rolled and yanked him up by the shoulder.

"Just shut up, will you? That lethargic bum has been avoiding me for weeks and now he gets the nerve to refuse my needs?"

Lee searched his mind for any clue as to what the sandy-blond was talking about. There was something about avoiding a woman for weeks and a woman's needs. He was silent for a minute while the woman went on and on with her complaints regarding her supposed lover. It wasn't until too long when Lee realized what was going on. There was a scene about this in his book; something about a woman's needs being unfulfilled by her male lover due to business or laziness. His focus returned to a sobbing Temari, she was physically unsatisfied and that's what was bothering her.

A shade of red filled his face as his mind delved to his readings for answers.

'Okay! I know what to do!' his inner voice passionately screamed as his arms wrapping around the crying woman and held her to himself. Temari's hot tears seared into his jumpsuit and onto his chest. "He cares for you, I know it to be so. The time will come when his mistakes will be realized. Do not worry, beautiful desert-flower."

Temari blinked some of her tears away, looking up to the slightly taller man. Her eyes were puffed and red.

"What did you just call me?" she sniffled. Lee was at a loss for words, wondering if he had said something to upset her. He was using a combination of dialogue from his readings and some last minute improvs.

"I... I um... it's, it's uh-" he stuttered. Temari pushed a way from him a little bit, though his arms were still around her body.

"Desert-flower, huh?" she smiled, wiping her tears with her black robe's sleeve.

'The game is nearly won, Lee! Just another push!' his inner voice encouraged him. "Yes, a name suited for one only such as yourself. A strong and beautiful woman, hailed from the harshness of desert winds. It is with that conviction that I use that title for you. I apologize if it means you harm."

"N-No, it's... it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me," she said, watching him sigh in relief.

Temari took a step back, out of his hold, and properly looked at him. He wasn't much of an eye-candy, she figured, but his heart was in the right place. The latter was all she really wanted in a man anyway. It was then that the shone to his eyes, forcing him to close them with a smile.

"I must be going now, young maiden. I am sorry that I will not be able to comfort you properly but if it will take your mind off your pain, why not join me for a jog?"

Temari looked down to her clothes, judging whether or not her current attire would hinder her from a good workout. Her black desert gown was sewn from light material and was buttoned from the left side of her hip to the right side of her knee, leaving a large part of her bottoms accessible for free movement. Of course there was her huge fan on her back but her body was used to the weight. She looked to him and gave a nod.

"Sure, I could use the exercise," she said to him as the two trotted out of the main street and took a lap around the village.

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><p>"... And then I kicked him in the groin for peeping on me!" said Temari, finishing her story of a time when Shikamaru accidentally walked in on her while changing from indoors clothing to kunoichi attire. Lee found himself laughing with the young woman during and after her brief story.<p>

The two had finished their jog about 20 minutes after they started. It wasn't much of a jog, more like a speedy sprint around the village. It was intended to be a paced jog but the two found their stomachs grumbling in unison. Neither had any breakfast prior to their light workout and decided on a nutritious bowl of chicken salad with a few dumplings on the side. Lee intended on Ichiraku ramen for breakfast but knew the heightened levels of sodium included in the recipe wasn't a popular thing among women.

On top of that, the restaurant they stopped by was having its grand opening.

After her story, Lee decided to share one a personal yet memorable experience with his former teammates from Team Gai during his genin and chunin days. Both were already finished with their meals, and have been for over ten minutes, but didn't leave each other's company yet. Temari was more focused in his story than she had intended. She hadn't known the train-a-holic to be such a funny guy when no one was watching. From what she knew about him, using a string of female contacts, he wasn't exactly a ladies man and he definitely didn't look the part.

He was the 'friend' for anyone to hang out with, but wasn't exactly sought out in the dating world.

She wondered why that was. Sure he was in need of dire fashion advice, as well as a total makeover, but he wasn't really as bad as she thought. There were some loose ends here and there but he was overall a good guy. Midway into his story about the time when he almost bested Naruto in a ramen eating contest, Temari began picturing him with a better haircut and thinner eyebrows. The spandex had to go as well, it was badly messing with her eyes. On the plus side, his muscles were almost bulging out of his horrible one-piece suit

The sand kunoichi could imagine a layer of rock-hard muscles beneath his sweaty top.

"Excuse me, is something the matter? Your face has gone red. Is the weather not cool enough?" he panicked, not wanting her to be uncomfortable.

From his few missions with the woman, he knew of how often her calm could be blown if exposed to extremely hot conditions. Though she was used to the desert's heat, it couldn't possibly hotter in the Leaf Village. Temari blinked a few times, pulling herself out of the daydreaming she had tranced herself in. The image of a topless Rock Lee with thinner, spiky hair, painters' jeans, and thinner eyebrows had her mesmerized.

"Sorry, um, I was thinking of something," she said. It no longer mattered to her that she was dating the lazy genius of the Leaf Village. She didn't need an over-analytical man, weak man. Temari stood and returned her bowl to the restaurant owner as she stepped out. Lee followed after her. "I should get going. Thank you for this, Lee. I really appreciate it."

"It is no trouble at all," he said with a bright, toothy grin. The whiteness of his teeth would put any toothpaste company to shame. He gave her his signature thumbs-up pose. "Part of my ninja way is to never let my friends down!"

'Nice guy pose... yup, that has to go too,' she thought to herself. It was then that the word 'friend' crossed her mind. 'Right, gotta swing over to the other ladder. No worries, I can take my time. It's not like anyone will be going for this hunk of muscle.'

"If you like, I can escort you to the border of the Land of Fire," he offered, recalling she was already late in her trip back home. Temari thought about it for a moment. She didn't want to leave yet, not with an appealing project in front of her. The sandy-blond shook her head kindly.

"I have a bit of time before I leave," she said nervously. It was getting harder and harder to stand near him. Her breathing was getting heavier. The topless Rock Lee-image was still in her head. "I have to... um... I have to visit your Hokage for some documents she asked me to retrieve before I go. She and Gaara are on good terms and I want to keep it that way."

"Ah, yes I see," he replied with a nod. "I will return to my morning exercises then. Naruto is probably waiting for me at the Team 7 training ground by now. I promised him last night that I would train with him. His youthful flame for hard work surges through me!"

'He's so passionate,' Temari found herself dreaming. 'Not like a certain bum I know... Oh if only...'

Before he turned to leave, Temari called his name. He turned to her, his legs ready for a sprint to the Team 7 training ground.

"After your training, maybe say 3pm, do you want to have lunch with me? Anywhere is fine, or here again if you want," she said, her heart pounding hard. Lee maintained an inplace-jog as his mind wandered for a moment.

"Hm... perhaps. I am meeting with Tenten one hour prior to that. I promised I would help her prepare for her ANBU examination. She is stressed and Neji will not lay a finger to help. He has his own problems," he said, remembering his lifelong rival is a member of the Hunter corp. within the ANBU. "However, I will try to be here by 3pm."

"Will you? Thanks. I'll treat this time," she said. Lee flashed an award-winning grin and darted to where he was supposed to meet his other blond friend. Temari smirked, turning the opposite direction as she made her way to the Hokage's office.

There were really no documents for her to retrieve. She was simply supposed to head back home after a routine monthly check with the Sand Village's closest military ally. Though she was headed for the possibly-drunken village head honcho, she swerved over to the Mail and Delivery corp. Temari decided to stay a bit longer, but in order to do that she would need to send a letter to her red-head brother and tell him what was going on.

Of course she wouldn't reveal the truth, opting to just make up some random excuse. She knows her brother acknowledges her strength and doesn't mind leaving her alone at an allied village as long as she sends letters every now and then. Temari would eventually need to return home, but being a jounin of her village granted special perks. Being a relative of the Kazekage didn't hurt either. A smile was warped on her lips. Today was proving to be a favorable day for her. She thought her stay behind the walls of the Leaf Village wouldn't be as sweet as usual, but spending time with Lee changed that for her.

Before she noticed she was skipping around like a child, her attention was called to a black-haired jounin approaching her. She gave him a sour look and crossed her arms under her chest.

"What do you want? Come to blow me off again?" she asked her soon-to-be former lover. Shikamaru placed a hand on her waist, pulling her closer to him. The sudden action took the blond kunoichi by surprise, causing her cheeks to flush a shade of pink and red.

"I have some free time," he said to her ear, almost seductively. He would never admit it to anyone, but his father had taught him a thing or two about swag a woman's heart when he was younger. It took too much effort though. "Pops took care of the groceries and two of the three genin didn't show up today. Our meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon."

Temari looked away, her heart fluttering. Lee's impression of the 'sweet guy' along with Shikamaru's sudden 'bad-ass' mode left her hormones driving her insane.

Unknown to her, a unique pheromone was escaping her body but was left unnoticed by the pineapple-head. He lightly kissed her neck, gaining a pleasurable moan from her. She wanted him almost an hour ago, and now she wanted him again but didn't know why. He had struck her last nerve and she wanted to break up with him for a more interesting man. But he knew her weak spots. He knew how to tick her off, break her, remake her... and he was certainly making good use of his noggin.

"Asshole..." she muttered. He smirked into his kisses, proud of his working tactics in making his girlfriend nearly swoon all over him. "I wish you'd make up your mind. You're giving me mixed responses. First you want me, then you don't, then you do again, then the cycle repeats. I can't do this anymore."

"Come on, tell me to stop," he said, picking her up bridal style as he made his way out of the public scene and to an alley.

There was no stench in the alley, having just been cleaned up by a newly-formed genin team. He set her down and pressed her against the wall to have his way with her. Temari made no move to stop him. Her body wanted this, to be satisfied before she went home. However, her mind wasn't on the same page. Never had Shikamaru ever been sweet with her. Though she never really acted feminine around him, she wanted to be treated like a girl every now and then.

He would never show her that.

As soon as her buttons were undone, as well as half of her top, she had no more strength to stop him. Her body wanted it so bad, but her mind didn't. This wasn't right and she knew it. She didn't want a purely physical relationship with any guy. Like any giddy school-girl, though she was past that, she wanted pleasure and romance to be balanced with one man. Unfortunately, her body was deprived of physical pleasure; duties as a kunoichi, and ambassador of her village, already made little progress with pleasure, but there was some here and there.

Romance, however, left much to be desired.

"Shika... maru," she panted, his manhood thrusting in and out of her. "You're my boyfriend, right? Why is it... why is it always... always sex between us? We're not... just sex friends... are we?"

"Of course not," he said, already working up a sweat.

"Then let's go on a date."

"Too busy, can't do that," he said almost immediately, increasing his speed. Temari clasped a hand over her mouth as Shikamaru picked up her legs and spread them apart for better access. "This is already hard work. Are you trying to turn me into a mummy? Besides, I've got work as a genin squad leader now. This is faster than some lame date."

"Just... just one, please?"

He provided no verbal answer. Instead, he slowed down in order to pay closer attention to her other womanly parts. Every thrust caused Temari's mind to go blank. Sooner than later, she was already forgetting her romantic dilemma with her boyfriend. In no time, there wasn't a single complaint on her shoulders. The only thing she wanted was his body and nothing else. As soon as her eyes were devoid of emotion, Shikamaru sighed. It was a bit tougher than he thought, but he had finally gotten her to shut up.

"I swear, this woman gets more and more difficult by the day," he said, finishing his business with her.


End file.
